very personal

SKIP THIS POST IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR ME RAMBLE ON ABOUT FAITH

A few nights ago, my husband & I had to sit our daughter down (for the 5th? time) to tell her that drawing on the furniture with markers is not ok. here's how it goes at our house:
1st offense - you get a talking to and is turned loose.
2nd offense, a stern talking and final warning.
3rd offense - talking and time out.
4th - time out.

So a few nights ago she drew all over herself, her table and the furniture with red markers. We sat her down, talked, threw away her marker, put her on time out and informed her she was losing all toys for the evening. She's 3. It crushed her. She didn't want to look us in the eye, she was ashamed, mad and deeply devastated. It was horrible to follow through with it and I felt worthless all night, even though I knew we were doing the right thing. I love this kid more than anything, you know?

So there I was, struggling to figure out how to discipline her while at the same time letting her know that my love for her doesn't change: my love is not based on how well she follows the rules or how good a kid she is (although, having a good kid is the ideal). I love her for who she is and not what she does. I love her unconditionally.

Well, I believe in God and the incident made reflect again on the fact that (from Rob Bell) a lot of us have done things in our lives that we're ashamed of. Some are small things, and some of us have really big and devastating things. Some of us even have personal junk that we keep to ourselves so we don't have to deal with it. But no matter how big our junk is, no matter how much what we've done has impacted the way other people feel about us or how we feel about ourselves, it hasn't changed how God feels about us. God loves us, he always has and always will, and there's nothing we can do to change that.

I'm a huge mess and God's working with me. I am thankful for His unconditional love and the fact that regardless of how screwed up I am, He remains the same: sovereign, loving & a Father. This is in no way an excuse not to raise the standards but a direct comment on the fact that regardless of what I do, He still loves me. As a mother I can feel & show it to the Doodles, how much more can God do? None of us deserve any of it but He gives it anyway and I, dear friends, find great comfort in that.

Good night. Be well.

♥

{e}



video by Nooma >>

heavy metal cupcakes

for my love ren, found on etsy.
(i bet these taste "extra" better because they are metal, vert)

megadeth in KC

(Ren got "The Big 4 Live " (Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer and Anthrax on DVD) for Christmas so we've been watching a law-hot of metal at our house. This Sunday has been a lazy one, showered by Metallica and Megadeth. So here's to one of the best mosh pits I've ever been in: Megadeeeth!!!!


if you look closely, you'll see my peanut shaped head on the right side, riiiight on the edge of the circle of death.


Summer 2010 - Sandstone (Sitting back in the Cap Fed boxes after the Megadeth set and right before Slayer came on stage. I'm totally sweaty and sporting some wicked bruised feet from the mosh pit. Best pit ever.)

my wallet

I lost my wallet Saturday night after Ren, the Doodles and I went out to eat. We couldn't find it anywhere, and I went back to the restaurant in the morning to see if we left it there. It was in the middle of the busy street (119th & Metcalf - sorta) next to the restaurant, getting run over all night - thankfully, everything still in it. Intact. I can't believe it. What a week to be thankful! :)

i love you, ren

The World Cup to Brazilians

You may have seen images of soccer fans around the world - people going crazy and really showing their love for this sport. But until you've been to Brazil during a World Cup, you will never understand what soccer obsession really means.

Soccer is Brazil's pride, joy and heart disease. It's in a Brazilian's genetic code. It affects men, women, teens, children, pets and plants. During the World Cup, the country stops. It's quite a scene: in every town, in every home, in every business you walk into, you'll find people and places decorated with Brazil's yellow and green colors. Christmas has nothing on this - the World Cup is a month long holiday and game days in Brazil are a phenomenon that cannot be explained.

Businesses don't bother to open that day, the freaking stock market closes down early, the streets are deserted and everyone is glued to the TV. I said e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e: old ladies, children, hospitalized people. Everyone. A city like São Paulo, who boasts a population of 31 million people, comes to a complete halt. Now that's something that can't be orchestrated or planned. It happens because soccer runs through every Brazilian's veins and you can't stop what happens. Employees won't show up to work because well, bosses won't be there either and neither will customers. I think you get the picture.

The World Cup helps Brazilians forget their problems, their crappy economy, their shortcomings as a nation and all the other areas in which they don't succeed. Soccer playing is a gift they were given. It's an art form and a skill that is not taught. Kids are born with it and countless players who become international stars had their start on the streets. Many were homeless. Most were very poor growing up and all share one love: soccer. It's a story of survival, perseverance and overcoming. For that and many other reasons, Brazilians take ownership of the sport and hold it dear to their heart. Every four years, during the World Cup, the nation comes together and miracles happen. There’s nothing like it in the world and I wish I was home right now.
Game day. This is one of the busiest avenues in the city of São Paulo. 31 million people and it is deserted when it should look like this (below):

Vamo nessa, meu Brasil! Meu coração não agüenta! Te amo!

OO

ren

Ren is this lovely human being I found wandering around a dusty town in kansas almost 14 years ago. Aside from his incredibly filthy mouth at the time and love for death metal, Ren and I had pretty much everything in common. We were two peas in a pod, made from the same dough in heaven, we joked. He's been my husband for 9 1/2 years and I can't imagine being with anyone but this guy. Still smiling, still selfless, still creative, giving and very handsome. The most amazing father and loving husband. I pick on him more than I should for his eternal love of comic books & role playing games but the truth is, that's the gas that keeps his creative tank going - I'm proud of his music, the things he's recorded and published, the work he does and just how passionate he is about it all. He's also a designer, musician, good cook & lover of our good God, just like yours truly. I love this man and I'm mighty proud to be called his wife. So... yeah. This is Ren. (Say Hi, Ren)

shooting around the house

old pics from march - shot w/ my mom's Sony. I really want a new camera. Any camera. Anything that is NOT our current camera, babes. And I love you, best friend.