February 23, 2011

very personal

SKIP THIS POST IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR ME RAMBLE ON ABOUT FAITH

A few nights ago, my husband & I had to sit our daughter down (for the 5th? time) to tell her that drawing on the furniture with markers is not ok. here's how it goes at our house:
1st offense - you get a talking to and is turned loose.
2nd offense, a stern talking and final warning.
3rd offense - talking and time out.
4th - time out.

So a few nights ago she drew all over herself, her table and the furniture with red markers. We sat her down, talked, threw away her marker, put her on time out and informed her she was losing all toys for the evening. She's 3. It crushed her. She didn't want to look us in the eye, she was ashamed, mad and deeply devastated. It was horrible to follow through with it and I felt worthless all night, even though I knew we were doing the right thing. I love this kid more than anything, you know?

So there I was, struggling to figure out how to discipline her while at the same time letting her know that my love for her doesn't change: my love is not based on how well she follows the rules or how good a kid she is (although, having a good kid is the ideal). I love her for who she is and not what she does. I love her unconditionally.

Well, I believe in God and the incident made reflect again on the fact that (from Rob Bell) a lot of us have done things in our lives that we're ashamed of. Some are small things, and some of us have really big and devastating things. Some of us even have personal junk that we keep to ourselves so we don't have to deal with it. But no matter how big our junk is, no matter how much what we've done has impacted the way other people feel about us or how we feel about ourselves, it hasn't changed how God feels about us. God loves us, he always has and always will, and there's nothing we can do to change that.

I'm a huge mess and God's working with me. I am thankful for His unconditional love and the fact that regardless of how screwed up I am, He remains the same: sovereign, loving & a Father. This is in no way an excuse not to raise the standards but a direct comment on the fact that regardless of what I do, He still loves me. As a mother I can feel & show it to the Doodles, how much more can God do? None of us deserve any of it but He gives it anyway and I, dear friends, find great comfort in that.

Good night. Be well.



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